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How To Mow Your Lawn Like an Expert Herbalist!
Sep
Teenage boys are the most wonderful things. I have a particularly nice one: Marty. He’s turning fourteen this December. He’s terribly handsome, kind, smart and protective to his three little sisters. He’s the best boy in the world. I can speak with authority on this, being his professional mother and therefore a completely unbiased expert.
However, he has one glaring flaw: He is disastrously terrible at mowing the lawn.
Really bad. Shocking. I discovered this alarming shortcoming the other day when he approached me, requesting to bike down to the grocery store with his friends to get some ice cream. Being the responsible mother that I am, I demanded that he complete an unpleasant chore in exchange.
The lawn was in desperate need of a good mowing. It had flourished into an untamed wilderness of weeds over our hectic summer. Marty weighed his desire for ice cream with the enormity of this chore as he stared hopelessly out the window at our overgrown jungle of a yard.
The internal struggle did not last long. He is a teenage male and food always wins. Always. I can get him to do anything for food.
A few minutes later I was happily listening to the drone of the lawnmower, dreaming about the potential desserts I could tempt him with in order to get my grapes watered.
He came in hot and sweaty a while later, announcing that he was finished and ready to show me his handiwork. I followed him outside and…my jaw dropped. My lawn looked like it had been attacked by a rabid pack of scissor-wielding Tasmanian devils. Scraggly, untouched tufts of weeds were interspersed with neatly manicured patches of grass in a Picasso-inspired work of botanical chaos. After a few moments of flabbergasted silence, I demanded an explanation for this new avant-garde approach to lawn care.
“What happened? Do you have a concussion or something? You were supposed to MOW the lawn.”
Marty appeared perplexed. “You told me to mow the grass, mom. I mowed the grass. I’m all done now. Can I take off?” He met my gaze without a trace of his usual mischievous twinkle. So…this wasn’t a prank…maybe he really did trip and bonk his noggin somewhere in that treacherous overgrown no-man’s land between the front door and the lawnmower.
I tried again, more patiently, “Marty. Look at the yard. Look at the patches EVERYWHERE. Do you see the same thing I’m seeing?” His eyes followed my frantic gestures towards the nearest cluster of weeds.
“That’s not grass. That’s alfalfa.” He pointed to another patch, “Blessed thistle…” and another, “and there’s some mallow and there’s some spearmint.” He looked at me aghast. “Did you really want me to waste all this good medicine?”
Well. That battle was lost. There was no arguing with that logic.
That’s what I get for enrolling him in the HomeGrown Herbalist School of Botanical Medicine. That confounded school, I tell you, is a secret lair of botanical insurgents, churning out radical pro-weed propaganda that has transformed my innocent teenager into a fervent and unwavering advocate for the rights of weeds.
Marty jumped on his bike and headed to the store for his ill-gotten prize, leaving me speechless in my mess of a yard. The weeds stood out hilariously against the well-trimmed grass and I was suddenly struck with the variety of powerhouse medicinals within ten feet of my position.
There was alfalfa, a potent diuretic with the ability to lower blood sugar and restore pancreatic function. Along the sidewalk, dandelion—a healing nutritional powerhouse safeguarding the liver and kidneys. The robust yellow docks, standing like sentinels against the short grass, contribute to blood purification and iron replenishment. I also counted plantain, spearmint, catnip, lamb’s quarters and milk thistle—an array of remedies for almost any ailment, all a few short steps away.
Suddenly, my lawn looked really, profoundly beautiful to me.
I don’t think it looks beautiful to the neighbors. I know that because the ladies on my block suddenly stopped asking to borrow my teenager to mow their lawns.
He doesn’t get to mow MY lawn anymore. Maybe I can get him to water the grapes?
~Jenni Rose
If you are interested in freeing yourself from the shackles of urban landscaping and learning more about the treasure trove of medicine in your own front yard, consider joining the HomeGrown Herbalist School of Botanical Medicine.
Time is running out!
The price of lifetime Enrollment in the Online School is CHANGING at the New Year!
Are you ready to embark on a journey of herbal knowledge and wellness?
Look no further than the HomeGrown Herbalist School of Botanical Medicine. Our comprehensive program is designed to empower you with the skills and wisdom of herbal medicine.
But here’s the scoop: starting January first, the price of lifetime enrollment in our program will be increasing. This means that now is the perfect time to seize the opportunity and sign-up ASAP.
By enrolling now, you’ll secure your spot at the current price and gain access to all the valuable resources for a lifetime.
What sets our school apart? Well, our curriculum is carefully crafted to provide a holistic approach to herbalism. From online courses to live plant walks, hands-on workshops, personal mentoring, and a wealth of resources, you’ll have everything you need to become a knowledgeable herbalist.
Don’t miss this opportunity to immerse yourself in the world of herbal medicine and make a positive impact on your well-being. Visit HomeGrownHerbalist.net now to enroll in the School of Botanical Medicine before the price increase. Your herbal journey awaits!
Fabulous story, very well articulated. A teenage boy that astute is a rare find. Good for your family!
We need photos!!😂😂😂😂😂😂
We have had a really dry year so far in my corner of the world. I barely had to mow my lawn at all. I am surprised at all the “weeds” that kept growing even though it is so dry. I never knew they were there before! But God always provides.
I enjoyed this story SO much! You have a talent for creative writing, and I am grateful that you share it! Marty sounds like a great kid, good to have around, and …very logical. hahaha
Absolutely loved this. 🙂
Thanks for sharing a great story – even though the punchline was obvious before we even started. I agree that a photo or two would have been nice. Now if Marty knows how to harvest all those herbals and put them to good use, I’ll think about hiring him myself!
Educated kids… Loved this blog message!
Loved this article! I can envision how it looks because so have horses and they avoid eating where they poop. My pastures look just like your lawn 😂
What does “lifetime” mean? How does the “lifetime” Herbalist School work?
Lifetime enrollment in the HomeGrown Herbalist School of Botanical Medicine means that enrolled students can access school material and the student forum etc… any time they want for as long as they live. Their status and access as “students” doesn’t change just because they finished the core lessons and got their certificate of completion. I would have gone ahead and made it eternal enrollment But I don’t know if they have good internet in heaven. :0)
I recently talked with a woman at a conference who had enrolled in a very well-known herb school and paid thousands of dollars for that enrollment. Her husband contracted cancer at the same time and she spent 18 months caring for him until he died. After his death, she tried to set up her account and begin her course work (she hadn’t even started it) and was informed that the enrollment time had passed and she no longer had access to the course. She told them her story and they didn’t care. No refund. No extension. Nothing.
Ahhhhhh as I listened to your rendition, I was remembering earlier today. Mower broken so weed eater was the tool of choice for lawn today….it is a light and quiet little tool that almost dances with me and the goats as we trapse along the grasses and herbs and weeds and brambles and wonderful beautiful bunches of “lovelies” here and there…we leave some and I felt like Marty’s kindred spirit. Just loved your story…made me feel “right at home”. I am hoping my son, Elijah, will be my study buddy. If that is still such a thing…he is like Marty. I think.